Maybe He's More Than He Seems
by Of-You-and-Me
Summary: She really wants to hate him and she succeeds most of the time but then there are those times when he's kind and maybe... maybe there's more to him than meets the eye.


**I've never actually written HP fanfiction, so I hope this is at least slightly in character. I've also never written something quite this long, so I also hope that the flow isn't too bad. If it is, I apologize. None of the characters belong to me.**

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1.

They're 11 years old but really, that's no excuse. The whole year all Lily hears is "Snivellus" and before she can even link anything else to him, he's already arrogant and a bully and a toerag, though not all together, not quite yet. She hates the way he talk to Severus and she —

She can't quite believe that he befriended someone who most of Gryffindor considered to be a bumbling fool. She's shocked to hear that she's not the only one who can look past a few scars and some peculiar absences. Maybe he's not quite so—

"Shut up, snivellus."

Nope, he's still stupid and annoying and arrogant.

2.

They're 12 now and he hasn't changed. He's still bullying people who don't deserve it and now she doesn't just stand up for Severus.

"Leave him alone, Potter," she says, her tone as fiery as her hair as she helps a boy she doesn't even know off the ground.

He just laughs that stupid laugh of his and walks off with a grin that only serves to infuriate her more. Black is by his side, smirking at her and joining his laughter as he calls out, "Later, Evans."

She helps the boy clean up and she tries to take him to the nurse but he insists it was nothing more than teasing that got out of hand and "really Lily, I'm okay, thank you" and she has no idea how he knows her name because she doesn't even know his, but she knows that the way Potter acts boils her blood and that one day—

One day she finds him talking to someone she doesn't recognize, and she's already preparing herself for the fight, mouth ready to spew acid when she hears sniffles. "You're our friend, Remus. Nothing is going to change that."

She walks away that day, teeth biting down on her tongue and brow furrowed because James Potter doesn't sound like that. James Potter doesn't care about anyone but himself except, now, that doesn't sound right. Maybe he does care about —

"Rictusempra!"

Severus collapses into a heap of giggles and laughs and she marches right up to Potter, furious and seeing red. "Go away, you stupid bullheaded idiot!"

"I think that's more words than you've ever said to him before, Evans," Black comments from beside him. Peter just smiles hesitantly at the comment, and Potter smirks. He always smirks. She can't wait to wipe that smirk off his face one of these days.

3.

At 13, Potter is still as insufferable as ever. Remus apologizes for him profusely and Lily can't see why he's even friends with him.

"He's not as bad as he makes himself out to be," he tells her one day.

She snorts. "Because bullying Severus and picking on first years is just him showing how kind he is?"

Remus looks pained, but doesn't reply. They finish their homework in silence that night, and Lily ignores the twinge in her chest at the mention of her best friend. Lately Severus had been mucking about with some bad people from Slytherin. She knew she wasn't his mother. She couldn't tell him who to be friends with. But they kept calling muggleborns things like —

"Filthy mudblood. That's what they called me. They said I don't belong at Hogwarts," she hears a small voice say.

"Well they're wrong," she hears him answer. "Those are dirty words, and very mean ones, and I promise they'll pay for it, so don't you worry about them, yeah?"

Another year, another conversation she probably wasn't supposed to be hearing. She supposed it's her own fault for always assuming the worst when she sees him talking to someone, but he doesn't exactly make it easy on her, doing things like —

"Petrificus totalus," she hears him yell as she turns around the corner. But before she can do anything, Severus dodges the spells and yells the same one back, but this one hits its target.

Instantly Black retaliate, "Why you—"

"Can't Potter fight his own battles?" She calls out as she appears from behind Severus.

"Of course he can, he's a strong wizard, he doesn't need any help," Peter says, jumping into the conversation without fully realizing what he's saying. But by the time he does it's too late to take it back. If Black intervened now, she would never let Potter live it down, and everyone present knew that, from the fifth years who ignored them to the first years who looked up to them.

Black hesitates, before settling and doing nothing but adjusting his grip on Potter. Maybe one day the childish Marauders would grow up.

4.

It seemed that it was when they all hit 14 that Potter realized she was a girl. To put it plainly: it really sucked.

"Can't go one day without terrorizing some poor kid, can you Potter?" She snarls, pushing the lonesome second year behind her. Once again, she had no idea who she was rescuing, only that from the look of his robes he was a Slytherin who has being mishandled.

A flash of anger appeared and disappeared so quickly that Lily would have missed it if she wasn't able to read Potter as well as she could. Four years of arguing with someone did that. Peter opened his mouth to say something, but Potter smirked and cut him off. "Not until you agree to go out with me."

"Go to hell," she said, and she turned around. She couldn't remember ever being so disappointed in Remus and Peter, than in that moment as she threw an arm over the Slytherin who explain he had no idea why Pigheaded Potter was picking on him. This victim did have a bruise on his wrist from being manhandled, and Lily insisted on taking him to the nurse until "I said I don't need your help you mudblood."

You could hear a pin drop in the silence that followed. Immediately the boy looked guilty. "I-I'm sorry I just—"

But whatever he was going to say was lost to Lily because she had already walked off. It seemed, however, that her night was not over.

"You did?" She heard a childish voice exclaim. And she somehow knew this was another conversation she shouldn't be hearing, but this time — this time she had a feeling she should stay for a while.

"Yeah," she hears him say with a chuckle. "He won't be bothering you anymore."

"What'd you do to him?" The voice is full of wonder and it sounds strangely familiar, though Lily can't put her finger on it.

"We scared the fucking crap out of him," she heard Black say with a laugh, and soon four more laughs join in. Three male, one childlike and female.

"We'll protect you," she can hear Peter say, and she can almost imagine him puffing out his chest, as if to make himself seem bigger. There's silence for a moment and she peaks around the corner to see the little girl from last year's conversation hugging Potter. The rest of the marauders simply look on fondly.

"Thank you, James," she hears her say tearfully.

"What about me?" Black asks, pretending to be wounded.

The little girl giggles and hugs him too, "you're all my heroes," she says. Lily watches as she gives them all a kiss on the cheek, and hides as the girl comes skipping her way. She waits before attempting to leave. She had overstayed a welcome she didn't even have.

"I really think there could've been a better way, James," and even if she hadn't recognized the voice, she would've known it was Remus. He was always the most sensible of the four, Marauder or not. She pauses, and decides to stay a moment longer.

"They weren't leaving her alone, mate. What did you want me to do?"

"Yes but —"

"They don't stop," she hears Peter interrupt. "When you're that small, they don't stop."

There's a prolonged silence and Lily remembers she's supposed to be leaving, when she hears, "why didn't you tell Lily what we were doing with him anyways?"

"She wouldn't have cared," he says, and for a moment, she wonders if they've misunderstood each other all these years. Sure, he went about it the wrong way, but his heart was in the right place, aftera—

"He's still an idiot," is all Severus says the next day when she tells him what happened. And despite his look of disgust, she can't help but think that maybe that's not all he is.

5.

Lily doesn't know what it is, but at 15, Potters head isn't that full of hot air anymore. Yes, he's still a prat, but he only ever really picks on Severus now (though Severus eggs him on, spewing ridiculous theories about Remus). He also still asks her out every other day.

Lily can feel her mouth twist downward as she thinks about her best friend. In the last two years he had been becoming more and more out of reach, but this year it had gotten worse, now only sitting with her when no one from his house could see him. It angered her to no end but she refused to beg for his friendship. Things came to a head almost immediately during fifth year. She only meant to defend him. But fine, she knew where she wasn't wanted. And though the loss of a friendship she held dear to her heart stung, it stung no more than being called a "filthy mudblood" by someone she considered to be her best friend. And bloody Potter couldn't stay away from her. He was an arrogant toerag and she was so tired of him and his —

"Miss Evans? You should come with me. We have something to discuss," Professor McGonagall said, and suddenly, the knot in her stomach tightened.

.

Why was he staring at her? She hadn't talk to him in three weeks. Not since everything with Snape happened. Not since she had to go home because her father — her dad had —

He was gone. Her father was gone. Lily walked faster across the courtyard, ignoring the knot building in her stomach and the lump in her throat.

"Oí, Evans!"

Nottodatnottodaynottodaynottoday.

"Evans! I'm talking to —"

She turns around before she even really thinks about it. "Not today, James. I'm really not in the mood and I just— not today, okay?"

She doesn't realize she called him James and not Potter but she's so _tired_ _right now and she just wants to go to her dorm but_ —

But it doesn't escape him. He notices. He realizes. So before he even really thinks about it _he_ turns _her_ around. "What's wrong?"

And she freezes. Because she's heard that tone before, but never like this. Never directed at her. "Lily, what's wrong?"

Lily. That's her name. Her dad picked it out actually. Said it was his favorite flower. And suddenly there's this damn that breaks and she has friends damn it so _where the hell are they because she is not going to cry in front of Potter, not today, but —_

She's crying and he's holding her and when she opens her eyes again she's in an empty classroom and she's not quite sure how she got there but she's grateful she didn't break down in the middle of the hallway. Though breaking down with _him_ might not have been much better.

"Better?"

She knows she should stop looking at her feet and answer. She knows. She's Lily Evans and she always looks him in the eyes. She never backs down. But right now, she may not feel broken anymore but she's still so bloody _tired._

So instead she says nothing and walks out.

6.

At 16, he's not infuriating anymore. Well, he is, but not like he used to be. And not for the reasons he used to be, either.

After _the incident_ , Lily didn't quite know how to respond. She went home that weekend and didn't even mention what happened to Marlene or Alice. She moped and hid for the following week when she went back to Hogwarts, until she decided enough was enough. She went to Diagon Alley and bought him a book about Quidditch. She meant to write him a note that said something kind but she still kind of hated him? One good act didn't make him a changed person. So instead, she settled for a thank you, and left it on his desk one day before Charms class. When he opened he just turned around and looked at her, but she pretended not to notice. The rest of the year he hadn't so bad. And this year was actually pretty nice.

Something had happened over the summer. Lily wasn't quite sure what, only that it ended with Sirius moving in with him and new nicknames for the Marauders. When they returned for their sixth year, not a single first year was picked on. Turns out not being an arse did wonders for their friendship. She began seeing more and more of the James that she had secretly observed for 5 years, and less of the Potter who would throw things and say "Snivellus." Not that he didn't still say it. He just tried not to provoke any of the fights now. Tried being the key word. They still had quite a bit of rows over it, because Snape had at one point been her best friend. But he was being phased out, slowly. One day at a time.

She still occasionally calls him Potter and he still occasionally calls her Evans but he doesn't ask her out anymore. Sometimes she'll catch him staring and he'll turn away, pretending he was doing something else the entire time, but his blush will give him away. Even on his tan skin, his blush is visible. It used to tug at her gut, in a way that made her feel guilty. He was her friend. Barely that. But now she wasn't sure that that's what that tug was anymore.

7.

James is 17 and Lily can quite honestly say that this is the best she's ever seen him. She discovered a couple months into seventh year that the tugging at her stomach wasn't guilt anymore. Oh no, it was something far worse. For her, anyways.

Lily J. Evans, fierce Gryffindor, was scared to her core. She fancied James. _James._ She had to be bloody mental, and when she said so Remus just laughed. Finally, he had said.

"Excuse me?"

"Well it's so bloody obvious that you two have it bad for each other, that Sirius said, and I quote 'We should shove them in a broom closet and just lock them in there until they shag or she kills him, whichever comes first at this point'," Remus has explained.

Apparently her face could turn redder than her hair.

Remus didn't see what the big deal was and insisted she tell James right away, since he fancied her as well, and had since fourth year, but no, no way, she was not telling James any of this, no matter what he said. James was not to know under any circumstances that —

"James is not to know what?" He asked as he appeared. Because of course that's when he shows up, and of course he says that as he runs his hand through his hair that, mind you, is actually as soft as it looks, and of course he has to to look bloody handsome while he does it because he's James Potter and he has no decency or —

"Hello?" James said with a laugh as he waved his hand in front of her face. "Earth to Lily?"

When had his laugh become so — so — hot?

"Wh-where's Remus?" She manages to get out because she swears on Merlín if he left her —

"He said he forgot a book at his dorm and that he was going to go study up there instead," he said, but his eyebrows were furrowed in that way meant he was thinking about something else than what he was saying and why did she know this?

"We're at a bloody library," she grumbled as she busied herself opening another book. "He couldn't use one from here?"

James laughed for a moment before joking, "Why Lily, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you didn't want to be alone with me. Afraid you might finally fall for my charm?"

"Shut up, Potter," she says, because she can't really think of anything else, not with him sitting so close to her and his leg pressing against hers.

All that does is earn another laugh from him. "Potter? You haven't called me that in a while, _Evans,_ " he teased. "Are you alright there?"

"Just peachy," she said, trying to read what was in front of her. Don't focus on how he smells. Don't focus on how he just brushed his arm against yours. Don't focus on your legs touching. Don't focus on the stupid girl staring at him from across the room. Don't focus on how he's looking at you right now. "You know what? I think I'm feeling tired, I'm just going to head up to my room, yeah? I'll see you later, James."

But before she could even stand he grabbed her wrist and sat her down. "Lily," he said. Don't think about how sexy that sounded. Don't think about him and sex. Don't think about — "what's wrong?"

And for a moment Lily thought about telling him but then the bimbo who wouldn't stop staring sighed and her eyes flickered to her and so she said "nothing," but James knew her too well. So instead, he took her to the back of the library where everything was too dark for people to even properly go back there without their wands.

"Lily," he tried again. But all she could feel was his hand on her wrist. All she could think about was how close he was and how dark it was and Merlín was it hot in there or was it just her?

James let go of her wrist to grab her face. "Lily, what's wrong?" And his eyes look so sincere and kind and she could just get lost in them. She almost wishes because at least there she could escape from all the sexual tension that won't let her breathe. How did she not notice any of this when they were friends? "Lily?"

But then he was too close and it was too much overwhelming her at once and she just wanted to know if his lips were as soft as they looked too so without really registering it her hand went up and —

And suddenly she wasn't sure that the sexual tension was just in her head anymore. Because his eyes may have been soft and warm before but now they looked like they were on fire with a whole new kind of electricity. And she could see that he was trying hard to hold himself back so she should really stop but her hand's moving on it's own and suddenly it's tracing his lips and the answer is yes they are as soft as they look. James is looking at her face, and she feels one of his hands move beside her head so that she's blocked in between a bookshelf and his arm and she's not entirely sure she would want to leave anyways. She cocks her head as she maps a new scar just under his jaw because she's shorter than him so she would've seen this except she doesn't think she's ever paid James as much attention as she is now. He closes his eyes and leans into her hand as she weaves it into his hair, before opening them when her thumb touches his lips again.

Their eyes meet and Lily feels like she's on fire and then his mouth is on hers or maybe hers is on his, who knows, she doesn't really care because all of a sudden she really is on fire, and this is all James and all Potter and maybe it took a while to find the balance in between but she hopes to Merlín she never loses the feel of this fire on her skin and the electricity in her soul.


End file.
